barracks, deployment, FRG, Uncategorized

How to Make the First Night in the Barracks Comfortable after Deployment

It’s finally here.  You’ve been waiting weeks, months or even a year for this night.  Your spouse/child/ significant other is finally coming home after deployment.  You’ve planned what their first meal will be, what you’re going to wear, how you’re going to decorate the house.  You’ve spent 2x your typical grocery budget making sure the house is stocked with all their favorites from guilty pleasure snacks to scented bubble bath.

But what about the single soldier who won’t have anyone there to meet them off the plane?  Who won’t have a witty sign demanding attention?  These soldiers will more likely than not be spending their first night back in their dorm-like barracks bedroom.  One that they haven’t seen in 3,6 or even 9 months.  How can an FRG leader make this first night at home more enjoyable for these soldiers?

How to Make the First Night in the Barracks Comfortable after Deployment

I think that the most important thing is to remember that you can’t do everything.  Most of us want to.  The idea of an 18-year-old coming home after a 9 month deployment to an empty dorm room breaks my heart.  I’ve always wanted to go above and beyond for them, but it just simply isn’t always within our power to do so.

Food.  Everyone loves and needs FOOD!!

So what should you do?  I’ve always tried to ear mark some FRG funds for food.  Typically I set out a few pizzas (depending on the size of the deployment, having each company FRG provide for their own) during the Redeployment Ceremony for family members that may be waiting around for extended periods of time.  I then take pizzas and soda/Gatorade to the barracks to be waiting on each floor.  I make sure my husband (aka the commander) knows where the pizzas are and can explain to the guys during his release brief that there is food for them available near their rooms.  This saves them the hassle of going out to get food/ ordering food/ saves them a few bucks.

Stock Up!  No One Wants to Go to Wal-Mart at 4am!

One thing that is common across the board is the trip to Wal-Mart.  Inevitably, these soldiers will get back to their rooms and realize they have no shaving cream, no drinks, no soap etc and they can’t get through the next 24 hours without it.  If your FRG has the funds I would definitely suggest trying to put together first night care packages.  I’ve included toothbrushes, toothpaste, body wash, shave cream, disposable razors, a big bottle of Gatorade, deodorant, and shampoo/conditioner.  Think trial sizes… you don’t need to set them up for a month, just keep them from needing to head to the store after an 18 hour flight in a jump seat.

Most FRGs do not have the funds to accomplish this project on their own.  It can be a large financial obligation.  Also, FRGs are not allowed to solicit donations.  So how the heck do you get it done?  Fundraisers are obvious options, but not always as lucrative as you would like.  I’ve found that the best way to get donations WITHOUT SOLICITING for donations is to network with local business owners and let them know that the unit is redeploying soon.  Then the ball is in their court.  I’ve gone to the businesses letting them know about the redeployment and asking them to maybe put a sign in their window or on their letter board to welcome the soldiers home.  99% of businesses will happily do this in order to drum up business as a military friendly operation.  Many of the owners/managers will then go above and beyond and donate items or services to the soldiers.  By going this route, I once got a local pharmacy to donate toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner.  For EVERY SOLDIER!  All I had to do was put a business card in every bag!  A local sandwich shop gave me coupons for a free sub and soda with free delivery (for the evening of redeployment only).  That was awesome because I then saved all the money I had set aside for pizzas and used it to stock the goodie bags!  Keep in mind to try LOCAL businesses.  Mom and Pops are easier to deal with in every way.  You can typically speak to someone with decision-making power pretty quickly and they are dying to set themselves up for new business while competing with Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and Subway!  Also, make sure you do right by these businesses in return.  If you’re going to order food for an FRG meeting, go with the guy who donated free food, etc.  They will appreciate it and you’ll probably make them a patron of the unit for the foreseeable future.

Those of you with older barracks have a slightly easier job.  The older barracks (I’m looking at you Schofield) have communal bathrooms.  In this case, you don’t have to make a full goodie bag for each soldier.  You can put a tube of toothpaste at each sink and a bottle of shampoo and conditioner in each shower stall.  Yes, they will be full-sized instead of the travel sizes, but it will still be infinitely cheaper than 100 travel sized bottles of shampoo.  Then you can put together a much smaller goodie bag of a toothbrush, a disposable razor a Gatorade, etc.

Don’t forget that there is always a way to do it more inexpensively.  The toothpaste doesn’t need to be Colgate Optic White.  You can skip the toothbrushes (they hopefully have one that they deployed with).  Bar soap goes way farther than shower gel and loofah.  Prioritize what you think is most important and go from there.  And you will never make everyone happy.  I’m sure after piloting a deployed FRG you know that by now… but don’t let it get you down.  If someone needs Keratin Complex deep conditioner… they can get that at the store themselves.

What These Troops Need More Than Anything is to Feel Wanted and Welcome

That is the stressful stuff…  now onto the fun stuff!  Most of you will do a poster decorating party or a company area decorating party.  Try adding time to do a barracks decorating party!  Write the names of each room occupant on construction paper and give them to the kids to decorate.  You can then stick them on the appropriate door in the barracks!  Now every soldier has a welcome home poster!  Try not to go too crazy, because inevitably someone has to clean it up and they won’t thank you if they are stuck cleaning up a mess, no matter how good your intentions were.

Most barracks have a rec room for the guys to hang out in.  Go to redbox (or plug in your fire stick whatever works for you) and have a movie that was in theaters while they were gone.  If they were deployed on a major FOB this won’t be that exciting to them, since they probably had access to all the newest movies anyway, so skip it.  But the more remote the deployment, the more you can accomplish.  Replay of the Super Bowl, Game 7 of the World Series.  Big crowd pleasers, even if they do know how it ends.

So if you’re stuck for ideas on what to do for the barracks bound soldier after deployment, just remember this:  They will essentially want whatever it is your soldier wants.  A hot shower, a non DFAC meal, a good bit of TV and a soft bed.  Check off any of those boxes for them so they don’t have to think about it and you’ve done something wonderful!!

Remember, your job is hard, it’s often thankless, but as long as you are doing right by the soldiers and families of the FRG, you can’t go wrong.

Have you ever helped an FRG with redeployment?  What were some of the things that went over really well?  What do you wish had been done, that wasn’t?

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blog series, FRG, military traditions, milspouse, volunteer

Who’s Who in the Family Readiness Group?!

holiday party-6

Now that you know what the Family Readiness Group is and how to join, I bet you’re wondering who does what within the organization!

Advisors, Leaders, Key Callers, Treasurers, Newsletter Editors… the list of ways to help your FRG function really is endless.  Like everything else in the military the terminology can be odd or confusing.  I’m going to break down what each role is, who usually performs that role and what kind of commitment you can expect from your role.  Since the heart and soul of the FRG typically happens at the company level, that is what I will be basing my descriptions on.  Please note that there are similar positions at the battalion, brigade and division levels!!

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of volunteering there is one fact that cannot be stated enough!  The FRG is a COMMAND led organization.  The ultimate person in charge is the unit commander.  All of the volunteers fall under the command’s discretion.

FRG Advisor-

The FRG advisor is the Family Readiness Group point person at the battalion level.  I know, I know, I said I was going to focus on the company level but the company FRG does not function without the battalion FRG Advisor.  They receive information about training cycles, troop movements, and family functions from a higher level (usually at a brigade steering committee meeting) and disperse the information to the company commanders and FRG leaders at a battalion level steering committee meeting.  The FRG advisor does not lead their own FRG but does plan battalion family events.  The FRG advisor has traditionally been the battalion commander’s spouse.  I’ve actually never been involved in a Family Readiness Group where the battalion command spouse wasn’t the advisor, but it does happen.  One of our previous advisors once told me that she never was an FRG leader or even active in the FRG, but the advisor role was perfect because she was able to be a basic point person without the commitment of a full FRG.

FRG Leader-

The FRG leader IS NOT in charge of the FRG.  I cannot stress that enough!  Most people will think that the FRG leader is in charge because they are the ones sending out emails, recruiting volunteers, planning events, etc.  While the FRG leader does do all these things, these tasks are completed only after receiving the commander’s seal of approval.  A lot of times what is being planned and implemented is 100% the commander’s but the FRG leader is getting the job done.  FRG leaders (and commander) attend monthly steering committee meetings where they are briefed on community events, updates to benefits, training calendars and troop movements.  They then take that information and send it out to all the members of their FRG, typically via email though Facebook has aided many.  FRG Leaders also plan social events, run fundraisers, start meal trains, curate baby baskets… really the sky is the limit on what they can do.  Similar to the advisor, the leader is typically the commander’s spouse.  This is not always the case.  many company commanders these days aren’t married or their spouses have careers that don’t allow for a large volunteer commitment.  In these cases I have seen everything from a “seasoned” NCO spouse to one of the other officer’s wives do the job.  The most important part about doing the job is the commitment to the position.  It can be a lot of work, often thankless and quite stressful.

Treasurer-

The treasurer is a key volunteer that is essential to the operation of the FRG.  Every Family Readiness Group operates an informal fund.  The informal fund is a bank account the holds all fundraiser monies and donations that come into the FRG.  The treasurer is responsible for all deposits and debits from the account.  If the account is in good standing when the treasurer takes over, it can be pretty basic bookkeeping.  If it is a mess, it could be a whole different story.  Personally, I don’t think it is fair to dump messy accounting on a new volunteer, so it is pretty common to have an FRG leader/Commander clean everything up before a new treasurer is instated.  Whenever money is involved, it is important to have a trustworthy and responsible individual involved.  I’m usually way more picky about who is the treasurer than any of the other volunteers.

Key Caller-

aka Point of Contact (POC).  Honestly, this is a pretty sweet gig and if you don’t know how you want to volunteer, I highly suggest you think about being a key caller.  Key callers are the unsung heroes of the FRG.  Key callers receive a block of FRG members, typically around 20.  They will contact the members at semi regular intervals (implemented by the FRG leader/commander) to verify their contact information.  This keeps the roster up to date.  It ensures that information is able to get to family members and it keeps the roster as up to date as possible for mission essential contact.  In the case of emergency, Key callers can be used to notify family members in a very rapid manner.  We have our key callers doing routine “call downs” every 3 months.  We give them a week to complete (more than enough time, I do my list in an hour).  During deployment it is monthly.  So overall, not a huge commitment.  We try to evenly distribute our key callers by platoon, so we have 2 key callers per platoon and they split the family members within it.  We try to keep them as people within the area so that if anything crazy arises we can have quick access to them.

General FRG Volunteer-

General FRG volunteers are the backbone of the Family Readiness Group.  These are the people who make all the events possible.  This is also the easiest way to volunteer.  No long-term commitments and specific one time tasks.  Picking up pizza for an FRG meeting, manning a fundraiser table at the battalion cookout, taking Santa photos at the company christmas party, the list goes on.  These are some of the ways that you can be a general Family Readiness Group volunteer.  By volunteering to do these types of jobs you take such a weight off the FRG leader!! The FRG leader does a little bit of everything and these volunteers make their jobs so much easier.  Anyone can volunteer, the more the merrier!!

More Ways to Volunteer

Depending on how large the Family Readiness Group is, as well as how involved and active it is, will determine if there are even more official roles to volunteer in.  Some Family Readiness Groups send out a monthly newsletter to members with articles and photos of what the unit has been up to.  This is a very involved task and there is usually a volunteer who manages and edits the publication.  At the battalion level there is also an auditor who keeps an eye on the books of the company treasurers.  This makes division level audits a breeze because everything is uniform and squared away.

Do you want to volunteer within your Family Readinesss Group but aren’t sure if you’re even a part of it?  Click Here!  Are you still not entirely sure what an FRG is?  Click Here!

How have you volunteered in the FRG?  Do you have any other questions about what the FRG?

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blog series, FRG, military traditions, milspouse

How To Join the FRG

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Now that you know what the FRG is, I bet you’re wondering how you join! Guess what?  If your spouse or non-married child is in the military….. YOU ARE IN THE FRG! It’s that simple.  Every unit in the military has an FRG, though some are more active than others.

When your loved one signs into his/her unit, one of the many forms they will be filling out will be an FRG contact form.  On this form they will provide the name, address, phone number and email address of the person that they want included in the Family Readiness Group.  9 times out of 10, this is the next of kin.  In the modern military and the era of the modern family, more and more fiances and live in significant others are included on the list.  The FRG advisor (more on them later this week) will determine how involved these non next of kin contacts are within the unit.

The FRG leader maintains a roster of every soldier in the unit along with all his/her FRG contact information.  At the company level, this has the potential to include 150 or more names!  Ideally, as soon as the commander has new contact information it would be passed on the FRG leader.  As an FRG leader myself, I can honestly tell you that this almost NEVER happens.  My husband is the commander so I obviously have daily access to him… and it still doesn’t happen nearly as quickly as I would like.  In a perfect world, I find out about the new members of the FRG weekly and I reach out to them within 48 hours.  This is much easier said than done and many FRGs are not nearly as active or involved to commit to that type of time-table.

I’ve found over time that in the platoons, teams and squads within the company there is more likely to spring up friendships between current soldiers and newbies.  My weekly emails now include a little blurb along the lines of “if you know a new spouse who I haven’t contacted please pass along their information so that I can reach out to them as soon as possible.”  In this way, I have skipped waiting to get updates from my husband and gone straight to the source.

Another way I learn about new spouses is through social media.  We maintain a private Facebook group for members of our FRG.  I highly suggest if you know the name of your soldier’s unit, you search for it on Facebook.  At the very least you will find an open Facebook page that you can follow to find out general (non OPSEC violating) information about the unit and functions.  Our Facebook group is private but searchable.  New family members can request membership after answering 3 simple questions.  When I get the requests I run them past my roster or my husband (if they aren’t on the roster).  Once they have been approved I send them a private message welcoming them to the unit and asking them to email me their contact information so that I can update the roster.

If you are at a unit and don’t know how to contact your FRG… SPEAK UP!!! I don’t know a single FRG leader that doesn’t care about members!  Ask your spouse or child for the FRG leaders contact information… at the very least their names!!  You can find almost anyone on Facebook these days!  If your spouse doesn’t know, ask another spouse in the unit!

You’ll be amazed by how much more connected you will feel to the military life once you feel included in the FRG!  If you’re still not sure about the basic functions of the FRG, click here!

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blog series, FRG, military traditions, milspouse

Understanding, Participating, and ENJOYING the FRG

This week I’m starting a new blog series all about the Family Readiness Group (FRG).

For those of you that are totally new to the Army or Navy (other branches have the same programs but they are called Key Spouse program in the Air Force, the Family Readiness program in the Marine Corps and the Work-Life program in the Coast Guard) the FRG is a commander led program, typically at the company level, with the main purpose being to disseminate information to family members about soldiers and troop movement.

That is the most basic textbook definition of what the FRG is.  More often than not, the FRG does so much more.  FRGs plan social events, provide guidance and can even become support systems.

There is typically a key volunteer appointed by the commander who holds the title of FRG Leader.  In many units this is the spouse of the commander, though in the modern military this is happening less and less.  Either the spouses have a full-time job and don’t have the time, the commander doesn’t have a spouse, or the spouse is just not interested in volunteering on that level within the unit.  With these cases the FRG Leader is typically the spouse of a senior NCO or one of the other officer’s spouses.

Other volunteers that work within the FRG with “official” roles are key callers and the treasurer.  The treasurer is in charge of the informal fund account (more on that later in the blog series!).  The Key callers, also known as Point of Contacts, assist in disseminating information and roster call downs.

Non official volunteers do everything from participate in potlucks, man fundraiser tables, pick up pizzas… the list goes on and on.  Volunteers are the heart and soul of the FRG and without them, it really couldn’t work.

Make sure you check back often to get all the information you need on the FRG!

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FRG, independence, milspouse

Do You Buy in to New Year’s Resolutions?

I never have.  But I think 2018 is going to be different.  I never do a New Year’s Resolution and you know what?  I also end up having a lot of regrets.  This year all those fleeting thoughts I have about things that I want to do are becoming New Year’s Resolutions.

I can see where this is going to be dangerous.  I’ve decided to stack the deck by mixing difficult resolutions with easy ones.  This way I can have a sense of accomplishment and don’t get discouraged as easily.  Clearly, I am not great at keeping myself accountable for all my ideas and notions.  If i were I wouldn’t end up with all those regrets. So I am also putting myself on blast by telling all of you what my resolutions are.

  1. I will go to the gym 5 days a week.  This one isn’t that hard, I already do it… now I’m just not allowing myself to ever dip below 5 days.
  2. I will post on this blog at least 2x a week.  I’ve started blogs before and I always peter out… Not this time, my friend!
  3. I will plan biweekly FRG playdates/spouses coffees.  I’m the FRG leader for my husband’s company and I was really crushing it during last year’s deployment… Ever since they got home, not so much.  Gunna get back on that.
  4. I will add at least one more Zumba class to my weekly teaching schedule.  This one shouldn’t be that hard since I’ve got an audition on Wednesday.
  5. I will declutter my home and continue on my journey to becoming a wannabe minimalist.  This one is my mother load.  This is the one that I am going to find difficult to stick to.  This is also the one that I want the most.

Please check back with me to see where I am on my journey.  And see how my husband’s crazy schedule gets in my way.

Are you making resolutions?  Have you made any that you think are unattainable?  What about easy ones?